(wiki-special opens inside the Talladega Superspeedway infield where Rudy and Bubbles were cooking breakfast for themselves, Snap, Penny, Timmy, Kevin, Trixie Tang (Kevin's wife), Lisa, and Bart outside Rudy's hauler*
Rudy: *arrives to the table with Snap's Reeses' pancakes with bacon* Here you go, Snap. I know you go crazy for my food.
Snap: Aw, thanks bucko! I can eat these DEGA-cakes in 13 seconds if I have to--!
Kevin: I wouldn't do that if I were you Snap-dude.
Snap: Why not?! I go crazy for them!
Penny: Because it's an easy way to get a stomach ache or worse, choke!
Timmy: Yeah, Penny's right Snap. You should take your time and eat.
Snap: And I don't care if I s*bleep*t my pants in the car, I'd win the race loaded and smelly if I wanted to!
Bart: Come on man, not at the table, now I can't even take a bite of my crepe cause you said that! *everyone unenthusiastically stares at Bart* What?!
Kevin: Just chill and eat, man.
Bart: *annoyed sigh* All right, don't have a cow, man. *continues eating his swedish crepe*
*Rudy and Bubbles arrive to the table with their breakfasts*
Rudy: *sits down on table-bench* Ahhh... nothing's better than having breakfast inside Talladega Superspeedway.
Timmy: Yea-heah!, I love being in those huge draft packs like we did in DAYTONA! (referring to the DAYTONA 500) Restrictor-plate tracks have been my best this year, even though I finished a lousy 2nd to Eddy in the DAYTONA 500. But anyway, I DID win the Budweiser Shootout (at DAYTONA) the week before the Great American Race (referring to the DAYTONA 500), and I would love to grab a win here today and call this place "TIMMY-DEGA!"
Trixie: Who cares, Timmy? Talladega is for losers, I hate going 3 or 4 wide all throughout the race and fearing the Big One (referring to the big wreck).
Kevin: Calm down, Trixiecakes, we know that restrictor plates ain't your cup of tea.
Timmy: And that Talladega is your least favorite track!
Trixie (to herself): Does Timmy have to bring it up?
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): We're here live from the Talladega Superspeedway in "Sweet Home Alabama" for today's running of the Diehard 500! Hello everyone, I'm Bob Jenkins, alongside Benny Parsons, and this race, BP, oh, the kind of action we'll see in today's race will be amazing like every year we come to this superspeedway.
Benny Parsons (ESPN): You're right, Bob. This place has always been a fun place to race, but the main thing is that in restrictor-plate races like this, you MUST NOT make a mistake on the racetrack. Make one mistake, and you WILL cause The Big One (referring to the big wreck). And another thing, the worst place to be while taking the white flag (referring to the last lap of the race) is in the LEAD. And why? A lot of drivers are gonna breathe down your neck in these draft packs we're gonna see in today's race, and possibly make their winning move of the race. Man, I can't wait for the green flag to drop in today's race Bob.
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): Indeed this race is gonna stir up a LOT of intensity here in Talladega as 175,000 racefans strong are ready to hear these famous words and hear these 43 monsters roar to life. Let's go trackside for the command! *scene cuts to the track*
P.A Announcer: And now it's time for the 4 most famous words in motorsports, Please welcome today's grand marshal. He starred in the hit T.V series "Red Scare" and now is the drummer of the band known as R5. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ellington Ratliff! *crowd cheers loudly*
Ellington (excitedly): All right, fans! You ready! *crowd cheers loudly* Talladega, are you ready to get this going?! *crowd cheers louder* On your feet!!!! *crowd cheers loudly* Let's set these beasts loose! GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES!!!!! *crowd cheers extremely loudly*
*engines start and rev loudly, crowd cheers loudly in unison*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN) The 43 stock cars have come to life here inside the Talladega Superspeedway, and the excitement is about to begin! The green drops next on ESPN! *scene cuts to Timmy's cockpit*
Timmy: Man, this one is gonna be out-of-this-world exciting! I can't wait to roll off pit road in begin our warmup laps!
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): The pace car pulls into the pits in front of over 175,000 strong in the stands and in the infield, and they are on their feet, ready for the drop the green flag! Normally in Daytona, the start/finish line is in the center of the tri-oval, but here in Talladega, the start/finish line is on the frontstraightaway, nearly heading towards the entry of Turn 1! Snap White will lead the 43-car field down to the green here inside the world's largest and fastest speedway.... *crowd screams and cheers wildly as the cars accelerate to take the green flag waved by Dr. Phil* and there's the green flag! Glad you're with us on ESPN as the Diehard 500 is underway!
Allen Bestwick (MRN Radio): 188 laps, 500 miles, we're set to go in the Diehard 500! Here comes the field down for the start!
Barney Hall (MRN Radio): Mac Kazoo, Squidward Tentacles in Row 1, back in Row 2 is Homer Simpson, Trixie Tang, then Eddward Marion, Ed Monobrow, green flag is in the air and the Diehard 500 is underway. No change, everyone stays 2-by-2 as they go to Turn #1, good clean start, they won't stay that way long as they head over to Turn #2.
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): Homer Simpson's on the move already! He drops down to the low side of the banking! It is 3-wide! They leave Mac Kazoo in the middle! Homer Simpson goes by, he takes the point! Here comes Eddward Marion! He's got 2nd! It's Stanley Squarepants and Squidward Tentacles side-by-side for 3rd!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): First time to the backstraightaway, and already they are fanning out 3-wide to the backstretch! It's Homer Simpson with the lead, Eddward Marion with Plankton on his back bumper in 2nd, then side-by-side for 3rd, it's Stanley Squarepants and Squidward Tentacles!
Eli Gold (MRN Radio): Meanwhile, Mac Kazoo's wondering "how this all happened?" as he continues to go straight back in the middle of traffic! Down low, the leader is Homer Simpson! He's got Eddward Marion right there in his draft! They are nose-to-tail! Everybody else is 2-wide and some are 3-wide off Turn #4!
Allen Bestwick (MRN Radio): They come steaming into the tri-oval for the first time! It is Simpson leading, Marion is 2nd, it's double-wide from 3rd all the way back to 43rd! Tentacles is just nosing out in front of Stanley Squarepants in that outside lane, now he's trying to draw even with Marion for 2nd!
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): Side-by-side for the 2nd spot now coming into the corner with Squidward Tentacles taking the high side of the banking! Eddward Marion is nailed down low, but up front it is Homer Simpson showing the way! He pulls out by 2-lengths now as they hit the backstraightaway!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): Simpson will take it down to the low side! That leaves the high lane open for Squidward Tentacles, and Tentacles now puts a fender up to the outside for the lead, Marion diving low, they are 3-wide for the lead as they hit the banking of Turn #3!
Eli Gold (MRN Radio): They climb the 33-degree banking! Staying to the low side, Stanley Squarepants' trying to make things work! Squidward Tentacles climbs the banking! Further up high goes Trixie Tang! Everybody's looking for a piece of running room! Mac Kazoo has gotten back in line in the 18th spot as Marion leads them off the turn!
Barney Hall (MRN Radio): Mac Kazoo lost an awful lot of ground, he's got plenty of time to make it back up as they come back to the start/finish line. it will be Eddward Marion in the front. For the moment he's got a challenge from Cosmo Godparent, and Cosmo Godparent takes the lead away. The crowd comes to their feet and cheers Cosmo for the lead for the moment as they go into Turn #2.
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): Cosmo shows the way! Now it's Sheldon J. Plankton trying making a move to the outside of Eddward Marion! Squidward Tentacles goes even higher in the banking! It's 3-wide for the 2nd spot now! Tentacles slips wide! Now it's Lisa Simpson diving down low for 3rd!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): The Allison Grandstand on it's feet for Cosmo Godparent, but the lead will not last long! Marion to the inside takes it! They are 4-wide heading to Turn #3 as they shuffle around Cosmo Godparent!
Eli Gold (MRN Radio): Squidward Tentacles is all the way to the high side of the racetrack, just about "scrubbing" that McDonald's paint scheme up against the wall, but down low is where you wanna be! The front 8 now have hooked together down to the low side of the racetrack! The leader is Marion, but on the move is Bubbles Turner! She draws inside of Lisa!
Allen Bestwick (MRN Radio): Bubbles Turner goes to the 2nd spot at the bottom side of the tri-oval, shuffling Lisa Simpson to the outside! Wanda Godparent comes with her! Now Bubbles breaks to the outside at the stripe! She looks for the lead on Eddward Marion as they head to Turn #1!
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): Wanda Godparent digs in deep to the low side of the banking underneath Bubbles Turner while Eddward Marion shows the way! Wanda Godparent slips by and grabs the 2nd position! Now the race for 3rd is Eddy McRich trying to hold off Remy Buxaplenty and Bubbles Turner!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): Sheldon J. Plankton's a bit further back! He takes it all the way to the apron battling for about the 7th spot! It's Marion, the leader! Wanda in 2nd! Here comes McRich to the outside in Turn #3!
Eli Gold (MRN Radio): He tries to make the move into the corner! McRich keeps the power wound up! The fans are on their feet cheering! One thing that doesn't change is if you get outta line, you're gonna lose a lot of spots, ask Lisa Simpson! She goes from the front pack all the way back to 13th! Off Turn #4, it's Eddward Marion, Wanda Godparent, and Remy Buxaplenty! *scene cuts to Trixie's cockpit*
(exiting Turn #4 and on the frontstretch to complete Lap #4 out of 188 laps)
Trixie (in 11th): No wonder why I hate Talladega and restrictor-plate tracks! I'm forced to push drivers and not make my own moves as I would on a regular racetrack! *scene cuts to Squidward's cockpit*
Squidward (in 7th being pushed by Trixie): Tell me about it! I thought escaping Spongeheadche's insane laughter from next door at night was just as challenging as this! I would rather race in and be pushed in these draft packs then listen to Spongebrain at night!
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): Stanley Squarepants blocks Bloo Kazoo on the outside in Turns 1 &2! They're nearly 3-wide for the lead! Bubbles low, Squarepants high, Plankton in the middle trying to make some ground in the draft! *scene cuts to Bubbles' cockpit*
(in Bubbles' cockpit of her #43 STP Pontiac)
Bubbles: *pants* I'm still leading, Timmy! *pants* I'm still 3-wide! *scene cuts to Bubbles' cockpit*
Timmy (boxed in in 12th) *suddenly spots Stanley S. Squarepants losing control, veering to the left side ready to be clipped by Bloo and hit Bubbles*
Timmy (on Bubbles' radio): BUBBLES, WATCH OUT--! *Stanley is clipped by Bloo, plowing into Bubbles, who veered out of control (veering right) and powed hard into the wall* *scene cuts to Bubbles' cockpit*
Bubbles: Hey! Don't scratch my car up-- *Stanley clips Bubbles* WHOA!!!! *pows into the outside wall*
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): And now Squarepants gets clipped! Bubbles Turner is in the wall! Cars are now piling in to the melee! *scene cuts to Lisa's cockpit*
Ed: *screams* *starts wrecking* *scene cuts to the track*
Joe Moore (MRN Radio): Lisa Simpson is in it! Eddward Marion! (in unison, Jimmy cries out "TITLE WAVE!!!!") Timmy Turner gets a huge chunk out of it! Brikowski gets involved! (in unison, Mojo Jojo angrily cries out "CURSES!!!!") Francis also gets a piece of it! (in unison, Ed cries out "UP PERISCOPE!!!!") Trixie Tang gets collected! (in unison, Calamitous screams and Eddy cries out "AVALANCHE!!!!") Ed Monobrow crashes as well! (in unison, Lisa cries out "NOOOOO!!!!") About 20 cars pile up at the entrance to the backstretch after Bloo Kazoo clips Stanley Squarepants exiting the corner! *scene cuts to Ed's cockpit inside his wrecked racecar*
Ed: Is the ride over? *scene cuts to Bart's cockpit*
Bart (angrily): AAAHHH, FU--*bleep*-- I fu--*bleep*--n wrecked!!!! *scene cuts to Trixie's cockpit as the tow trucks arrive to the scene of the big wreck*
Trixie: No wonder why I hate racing at Talladega. *sad sigh* Well at least the restrictor-plate run is over until Daytona in July (foreshadowing the "2000 PEPSI 400 Fantasy Edition" wiki). *exits the vehicle* *scene cuts to the ESPN Broadcast Booth*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): We are now under the red flag here in Talladega for cleanup activity on the backstretch, which was the incident everyone hoped would not happen, but it did, The Big One (the big wreck). The amount of cars involved in the wreck are too numerous to count. *scene cuts to the track at the scene of the big wreck*
Benny Parsons (ESPN): You're right, Bob. No one hoped this one would happen, as I said earlier before the command to start engines, make ONE mistake on the racetrack, and you will cause The Big One, which were Bloo Kazoo and Stanley Squarepants whom MADE that mistake that caused The Big One.
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): We now go to Bill Weber, he's with with Trixie Tang inside one of the safety vans.
Bill Weber (ESPN): Trixie Tang had a good, solid run all day until this melee. Trixie, how did today's race feel like to you?
Trixie (with tears in her eyes / being interviewed by Bill Weber): Totally terrible, Bill! My friends got like thrashed!!!! I was so not prepared for that!!!
Bill Weber (ESPN): Well, being in The Big One (the big wreck) didn't really help you out didn't it?
Trixie (with tears in eyes / being interviewed by Bill Weber): No, not at all.
Bill Weber (ESPN): Well, next week is Downtown City, you think you can pull it off next week? Since you said in our pre-race show before today's race it is your favorite track on the circuit.
Trixie Tang (in a a crying way, being interviewed by Bill Weber): Yeah, it is. Too bad today's race was ruined all thanks to Bloo and Stanley! *cries in her towel*
Bill Weber (ESPN): Trixie Tang deeply upset about today's mishap, but feels cool, calm and confident about next week's race in Fontana. To Dr. Jerry Punch. *scene cuts to Dr. Jerry Punch, and Ed*
Dr. Jerry Punch (ESPN): I'm here with Ed Monobrow outside the infield care-center where he was checked okay, and Ed, how did this day feel like to you especially being caught in the big wreck?
Ed (doing a stupid/silly interview about his day's race and the big wreck): It was SO cool! My favorite part was the big wreckage! Stanley and Bloo sure know how to get the good times started! *laughs* Spinning around in the car while hitting other motor-cars and the walls is fun! *chuckle*
Dr. Jerry Punch (ESPN): *chuckles* Boy you seem to have an insanely silly interview every time we have you on the mic, which is good humor for our viewers and listeners to enjoy.
Ed: Like seniors?
Dr. Jerry Punch: *laughs* To Wally Dallenbach, he's with Eddward Marion. *scene cuts to Wally Dallenbach and Edd*
Wally Dallenbach (ESPN): Well, like Trixie Tang, Double-D seems very depressed about HIS day. You were running out front for nearly the majority of the day, you even led at the beginning of the race (referring to Quote 1), but despite all your great effort today, your day had to end on a sour note.
Edd (with tears in his eyes/ being interviewed by Wally Dallenbach): Well, Wally, this is one race that will make history. A race I like to call, "The Great Depression of NASCAR".
Wally Dallenbach (ESPN): Trust me, Edd, I know what it's like to be caught in The Big One, I've been in it a couple of times as a NASCAR driver.
Edd (sadly / being interviewed by Wally Dallenbach): You have?! Does that mean that I-?! *shakes in tears as he did in the Ed Edd n' Eddy episode, "Fa La La La Ed"* Oh, I'M SO ASHAMED! *sadly gasps in his towel* Why does my intriguing day have to end up in misery? *sobs heavily in his towel*
Wally Dallenbach (ESPN): Edd also hoping for redemption next week in Downtown City. To Marty Schneider with Buttercup Simpson. *scene cuts to Marty Schneider and Buttercup inside the infield care center*
Marty Schneider (ESPN): Buttercup also was involved in the big one despite HER dominant day here in Talladega, and Buttercup, your day somehow didn't work out the way you planned it.
Buttercup (angrily frustrated, being interviewed by Marty Schneider): The Big One?! I call it the Big Negative One! I like crashes as much as the next guy or gal, but when it makes my friends sad, especially when I'M involved in it, that's when it's an exception! HMPH!
Marty Schneider (ESPN): and like you said, being caught in the big wreck wasn't fun, and we're pretty sure you're looking into Downtown City next week for redemption after your "Talladega Tumble".
Buttercup (being interviewed by Marty Schneider): You bet I am, to show Bloo what I'm gonna do to him when we don't race in stupid draft-packs next week in Downtown City (foreshadowing the "2000 Littlest Pet Shop 500 Fantasy Edition" wiki)! Bloo better have that bullseye-target painted on his rear bumper next week for me so I can hit it! *drinks from her Gatorade bottle*
Marty Schneider (ESPN): Buttercup Simpson also feels pumped up for next week in Downtown City. Back to you, Bob.
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): Well, we are back under the caution flag, and we were given word from NASCAR saying we will restart this race with 3 laps to go, Sheldon J. Plankton will be the leader, Penny Sanchez will restart in 2nd place.... *Scene cuts to Penny's cockpit*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): The green flag waves again here in Talladega, and as what we say on superspeedways like this, it is "CRUNCH TIME"! With 4 laps to go, Sheldon J. Plankton will lead the charge into Turn #1!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Trust me, Bob! As soon as the white flag comes out, Plankton may turn into a sitting duck, because remember, ANYTHING can happen on the last lap at Talladega! *scene cuts to Penny's cockpit*
(exiting Turn #2 and on the backstretch)
Penny (in 6th): You're not getting away with this, Plankton! *scene cuts to Plankton's cockpit*
Plankton (in 1st): Oh, I am, Penny! I'll hold you and these barnacle-headed cars off with flying colors and win the Diehard 500! I can just block em' without problem! I WENT TO COLLEGE!!!! *scene cuts to Penny's cockpit*
Penny (in 6th): Oh, you WILL have problems blocking cars on the last lap! You wait and see!
Plankton (voice only / in 1st): HAH! I doubt it!
Penny (to herself / in 6th): *scoffs* let the belligerent cyclops find out for him self. *scene cuts to Joe Tabootie's Deli-Restaurant (with only Joe, and Mildered Tabootie in the entire low-budget Deli-Restaurant) in Plainsville*
Joe: *sad sighs* I guess I'm gonna be in the "blank business* today, Millie. We haven't sold 1 meal, nor hamburger-gelatin (in reference to the "Chalkzone" episode "The Heist"), and the ONLY customer that orders that is our son, Rudy.
Mildred: Awwww.... honey, don't be so hard on yourself. But it seems there's no choice than to...resign.
Joe (in a moaning way): C'mon, Mildred I can't resign from the meat & food industry! This is my dream, and Rudy said so. (in reference to the "Chalkzone" epsiode "The Heist")
Mildred: *sad sigh* I tried encouraging you that opening a deli-restaurant many, many years ago wasn't a good idea, and you STILL manage to open one and not make enough money and profits to pay our mortgage. But we're lucky Rudy pays for our mortgage using his NASCAR prize money awarded to him after every race he finishes.
Joe: Well, Rudy DID save me and my deli restaurant with his NASCAR job, but I don't know why I don't get customers?
Mildred: Me neither, Joe.
Joe: *sad groan* I'll just turn on the radio and play my "blues". *turns on the Deli-Restaurant radio and the race on MRN Radio is suddenly heard*
(With 2 laps to go / on the backstraightaway and heading into Turn #3)
Dave Moody (MRN Radio / heard on the deli-restaurant radio): ... for the lead in Turn #3!
Eli Gold (MRN Radio / heard on the deli-restaurant radio): Penny Sanchez goes powering high to the outside of Sheldon J. Plankton! The fans are just beside themselves, yelling, screaming! Off the corner, they come 2-by-2! Penny Sanchez's trying to grab her first win of the year here in Talladega--!
Joe: WHAT THE--?! Rudy's wife (referring to Penny) is winning?! I thought Penny would never fight for the win! C'mon Penny--!
Mildred: PLEASE WIN, PENNY--!!!! *scene cuts to the track*
Barney Hall (MRN Radio): This is gonna be a wail of a finish! White flag lap as they come down to the line, 1 to go, racing for the lead and the Diehard 500! There's contact between Sanchez and Plankton! Rudy Tabootie tries to "sandwich in"! Meanwhile, the inside lane is long-gone into Turn 1! *scene cuts to Penny's cockpit*
(In Turns 1 and 2 on the final lap)
Penny (in 1st): Told you, Plankton!
Plankton (voice only / battling for 6th / losing the lead draft-pack): I WILL DESTROY YOU, 4-EYED CREETIN'!!!!
Penny (in 1st): Not in this race Plankton! *scene cuts to the track*
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): Sanchez leads the pack down the backstretch!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Trust me, Plankton WAS that sittin' duck on the last lap, allowing Penny Sanchez, Cindy Vortex, and Homer Simpson to scamper away!
Dave Moody (MRN Radio): It's "decision time" at Talladega as Penny Sanchez tries to grab her first win, but here comes Cindy Vortex looking to the outside lane! Sanchez blocks her going into Turn #3! It's a 3-car race for the win!
Eli Gold (MRN Radio): Cindy Vortex's looking for that first career victory! Sanchez's trying to block her high and low! Nobody's jumping out of line! Here come the leaders off the corner! It's gonna be a 3-car race for the win! Sanchez tries holding the lead into the-tri-oval for the final time!
Benny Parsons (ESPN): Cindy Vortex might have something for Penny in the tri-oval! Penny's gonna watch her back--!
Bob Jenkins (ESPN): Cindy Vortex makes her move in the tri-oval! Can Sanchez hold it at the line?! Here they come to start/finish line! Vortex, unfortunately is gonna run outta time as Penny Sanchez crosses the start/finish line to win the Diehard 500!
Allen Bestwick (MRN Radio): Sanchez wins it! Sanchez wins the Diehard 500 *with sudden realization* as there's trouble after the finish! Sandy Cheeks spins! Remy Buxaplanty and Wanda Godparent get a piece of it! Princess Morebucks also crashes at the finish line! 6 cars crash and collide at the finish of the Diehard 500!